It has been 6 months since I have posted...
I am exercising 3 x weekly,
I have stopped smoking cigarettes,
I have started drinking green smoothies again,
I have turned my monkey mind over to the process of analysis as far as it comes to my responsibilities in my life and thus co-creation of my physical world.
There are times in my life when I clearly remember having beef with any and all that have carried a close relationship with me.
Looking back now I can see the problem is something with myself...
Pinpointing the exact issue is cloudy at this point.
I am listening to a program on http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com, very interesting insight this dude has...
Seems to be Buddhist with a core space of ultimate love as the essence.
The man who run the site is named Gary, who states that the earliest memory one has holds a significant part place marker of where deep issues began, remembering the bad things stick (I will research more about this concept)...
I can remember sitting around a fire on my grandparents land and my father being there... I was dancing and twirling around as sparks from the fire lite and crackled in exact rhythm of my dance that streamed from my heart...
ooh I loved my father and that night her looked at me and said to everyone,"look at my beautiful movie star"...
I felt like the most special being in the universe...
we were connected and we both mirrored pure ultimate love for each other...
I must have been 4-5 years old.
My father started to separate from our family shortly after that time and completely severed all ties by the time I was 11 years old.
Entering a space of being a preteen and then a teen I told my self that I was not good enough to keep my Father around...
at least have him take me with where ever her was...
We was my first love.
Who completely and utterly shattered my heart into a million pieces.
Now to start from there...
Thanks for the insight and verbiage to begin this process Gary van Warmerdam.
